Why Men Marry Certain Women and Not Others free essay sample

After reading John T. Molly’s book â€Å"Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others† I have a much clearer understanding about why men marry certain women and not others. It’s not just because guys are idiots, but there are multiple reasons to what determines marriage between a man and a woman. First, I would like to discuss the six basic guidelines that are statistically proven that Molly discusses in the introduction. They are simple yet effective such as first â€Å"insist on it’’, a woman needs slowly keep insisting her man that she wants to get married.Second, â€Å"if you are in a dead end relationship, move on†, If women know that their relationship is going nowhere it’s pointless to stay in it. Third, â€Å"love yourself first†, it’s important to love yourself first because how can we expect someone else to love us if we don’t love ourselves. Forth, â€Å"Commit yourself to the idea of getting married†, this is very important because if a woman really wants to get married she will be committed to the idea. Fifth, â€Å"Keep in shape and, watch your weight and take care of your appearance†.It’s very important to be physically attractive because men always wanted to be attracted to the woman they marry, that usually means big breasts and a trim body. Last, but not least â€Å"Time can be your worst enemy. Use time wisely in your search for the marrying man. Time is important because everything has to be taken into account, for example, having kids, there is a biological clock. Now all of the above are guidelines are specified if a woman wants to get married, they all are valid points which I believe work very effectively.I can easily apply these basic rules to my life, for example rule five to be trim and watch your weight, that is very true and I know that very well because I’m not trim so I already lack a quality that a majority of men see as a necessity. Next, in chapter two the author talks about how first impressions and how important they are. What is interesting is that he says it is important to practice how you smile, it can’t be too broad and you can’t walk into a room with a huge smile because when you enter the room it is going to disappear and that will have a negative effect on the people you are around. I personally believe that first impressions have a big impact on a way a person perceives you. I was a t a social gathering and there was one boy who wouldn’t talk to me even though I had approached him. I was confused. The first thing that came into my head was â€Å" what is his problem† , and ever since that day I have never forgot that, but I later found out that he is very intimidated by girls. Till this day I dislike him.A person should always try to be approachable, it makes a better impression. Moreover, I found the part where the author breaks down the marrying type. The author says that to have a greater chance of getting married that a woman should only date the marrying type. The different ages are broken down and the typical commitment age for guys who don’t go to grad school is 28-33. Then after age 37 the chance for a guy to marry become slim and as his age increases his chances whiter away.Now, what I found interesting is that I’m Pakistani and traditionally we have arranged marriages, so all the people we meet that could be possible husband material are interested in marriage. There is no trying to figure out is he looking for a fling or is he serious, because both the guy and the girl are meeting because they have intention to get married. Also, what caught my attention is that in the book they say that a woman with unrealistic expectations has a much less chance of marrying.I complexly agree with that because there are girls out there looking for a perfect, flawless man. A marriage is also about growing and understanding each other, there has to be room for mistakes and sacrifice for each other. Women who are out there hunting for Mr. Right aren’t going to get married and if they do they will probably be unhappy. If humans were flawless life wouldn’t be interesting. Furthermore, there are many stages in a relationship that should ultimately lead to marriage. Being in a relationship is not easy it involves sacrifice and compromise.The following types of women are more likely to get asked out, first, women who date more because they have more experience with men and are less likely going to try to over impress a guy. Second, a woman who has more guy friends and brothers, she understands guys better and can better deal with them since she has an idea of why they act the way they do. Third, women who try way to hard are not going to be asked out frequently. Guys do want to have fun and enjoy being with a girl who is a little casual relaxed.Fourth, women who don’t have sex on the first date, men are automatically going to think that the girl is easy to get with and has slept with many men frequently. Fifth, women who are friendly and positive, men sometimes need a boost or somebody to praise them so they are more likely to be attracted so a woman who is friendly. Then last, a woman who pays attention and shows concern. Men love attention and they crave it. In my personal experience a good is example is when a guy gets a flu it’s like the world ended for them and they become little babies.For example I have a friend who is currently single so with no girl friend in the picture he calls me, and he was sick recently and I told him not to call at a certain because I will be in class, but he calls regardless so I leave class and pick up and he wants to know how take his medicine, and he’s complaining on and on how he can’t move and so on , but when I’m sick I don’t fuss, I don’t complain I’m usual at work working. Additionally, there are some qualities that totally turn men off, such as women who give catty comments, survey says that a whopping 90% of men don’t like that at all and it is a major turn off.Also, if they come to realize that the girl isn’t as positive as he thought, he is likely not to go out with her again. Men are looking for somebody to bring to the positive in them not to make them feel worse. Then if a woman decides to get to serious to fast a guy usually freaks out a little and quickly turns away. Men need some time to think and just enjoy the relationship. Besides, that an important subject that the author brings up is needs and lifestyles. When things become more serious in a relationship many different questions begin to arise, such as are we compatible?The author talks about separating attraction from compatibility because where in a short term relationship only attraction might last some time but in a long term relationship it is important that we understand each others needs. If a couple’s lifestyle is not compatible and neither is willing to compromise then it’s better if the relationship is ended. Another good point that the author brings up is that men try to romance women for example buying her flowers or candy all the time, doing small meaningful things, even if it means he has to go out of his way.Women should enjoy that as long as they can because it doesn’t last forever, I personally think it is a way to woo a woman and flatter her, once a man knows that he has won her approval and now they are in a more serious relationship, he is going to stop. It is normal for a guy to stop and just relax in the relationship when he knows he won you over. Also, the author points out those women who don’t do all the household chores usually get more respect from men. It has been proven that women who want to be treated better and with more respect have a better chance of marrying. Mean want somebody who they can relate to and be sort of friends. This is especially interesting to me because in the past it has always been promoted that it’s a woman’s job to clean, cook, rear the children, and take care of all the household work. This is the message that has been communicated for years and it’s in our power to change the message. I agree with the fact that a woman who demands more respect is better off in the long run.Finally, what this all boils down to is marriage, in most situations women have to bring p the subject of marriage, and also if a man is more willing to talk about marriage he is more likely to purpose to a woman, verses a man who runs from the subject. Women who believe that marriage is essential to happiness have a better chance of marrying. I agree with this statement because that is with everything, if we think something is essential for us to live or be happy we find a way to get it because it is a necessity, and we can’t live without necessities. .